Download and read online Knock Knock How to Traumatize Your Children in PDF and EPUB
Download and read online How to Traumatize Your Children in PDF and EPUB While it's inevitable that all of us will traumatize our children, even the most committed parents have lacked guidance in doing so deliberately and effectively. Don't leave your most important job to instinct and gut reactions--whether you want to traumatize your children with the same techniques your parents used or you prefer to choose an entirely new approach, this book will show you the way!
Download and read online Experimenting with Babies in PDF and EPUB Babies can be a joy—and hard work. Now, they can also be a 50-in-1 science project kit! This fascinating and hands-on guide shows you how to re-create landmark scientific studies on cognitive, motor, language, and behavioral development—using your own bundle of joy as the research subject. Simple, engaging, and fun for both baby and parent, each project sheds light on how your baby is acquiring new skills—everything from recognizing faces, voices, and shapes to understanding new words, learning to walk, and even distinguishing between right and wrong. Whether your little research subject is a newborn, a few months old, or a toddler, these simple, surprising projects will help you see the world through your baby’s eyes—and discover ways to strengthen newly acquired skills during your everyday interactions.
Download and read online Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation in PDF and EPUB Popular actress and stand-up comedienne Elizabeth Beckwith gives us the parenting guide to end all parenting guides: Raising the Perfect Child through Guilt and Manipulation. A frequent guest on The Late, Late Show and one of seven comics featured in the Time magazine article, “Funny: The Next Generation,” Beckwith now puts forth a hilarious new parenting philosophy that would shock Dr. Spock and traumatize T. Berry Brazelton. Raising the Perfect Child through Guilt and Manipulation is a riotously irreverent take on contemporary child rearing.
Download and read online How to Ruin Your Child in 7 Easy Steps in PDF and EPUB In a world where parenting advice shifts faster than fashion trends, this “how not-to parent” resource takes a fresh look at how the Seven Deadly Sins are the root of most modern parenting problems. Through humorous stories and practical biblical wisdom, Patrick Quinn and Ken Roach show how well-meaning parents can ruin their children’s lives in seven easy steps (wrath, greed, envy, lust, sloth, gluttony, and pride). Quinn and Roach then offer a fresh counter-approach—laying a seven-fold foundation for lasting significance so parents can help rescue their children’s heart ... and future.
Download and read online Parenting Is Easy in PDF and EPUB Imagine a world where pregnant women are always upbeat and glowing, newborns sleep on cue, toddlers love to have their teeth brushed, and teenagers gaze adoringly at their parents. Impossible, you say? Not according to advertisers who flood the web with stock photos of perfect parents and children. They’d have you believe that parenting is a piece of cake, and every significant moment of family life takes place on a spotless white couch. So when Sara Given, a real mother of a real toddler, saw a picture of a radiant new mother in a cute little sundress breastfeeding her newborn in the middle of a golf course, she finally had enough. She launched a Tumblr, which is now visited by tens of thousands of new parents looking for a daily pick-me-up. Because what better way is there to deal with the stress and strain of being a new parent than laughter? The perfect gift of cheer and solidarity, Parenting Is Easy exploits the disconnect between these preposterous photos and what happens in real life, and makes every reader laugh out loud—and feel better, too, because we’re in on the joke.
Download and read online Sh tty Mum in PDF and EPUB Children. They want everything and they want it now. They don't care about killing your sex life or the way they add six inches to the length of your breasts, and they sure as hell don't give a sh*t that you only slept four hours last night. Any person, physical need or dream that takes you away from them for even five seconds is their natural enemy and must be crushed with loud, endless cries. This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. It's about shortcuts and parenting with 40% effort. You'll learn how to ignore, avoid, threaten and lie in easy-to-skim-while-locked-in-the-bathroom mini-chapters, plus valuable 'How to Fake it' tips to help you through those days when there isn't enough sh*tty advice in the world. We get you. We get your little dictators. And we can help.
Download and read online How to Swear Around the World in PDF and EPUB This essential phrasebook collects the most colorful, explicit, and outrageous ways to tell people off in every part of the world. Featuring dozens of different languages, the sayings range from everyday swears to family curses to expressions for X-rated relations with animals. Phonetic pronunciation is provided so that readers can curse like a native, and handy illustrations provide visual guides to these foreign exclamations. Perfect for the international traveler who may need to wish an enemy a painful death, insult a person's grandmother, or accuse someone's mother of having intimate relations with bears in the forest.
Download and read online All My Friends Are Dead in PDF and EPUB If you're a dinosaur, all of your friends are dead. If you're a pirate, all of your friends have scurvy. If you're a tree, all of your friends are end tables. Each page of this laugh-out-loud illustrated humor book showcases the downside of being everything from a clown to a cassette tape to a zombie. Cute and dark all at once, this hilarious children's book for adults teaches valuable lessons about life while exploring each cartoon character's unique grievance and wide-eyed predicament. From the sock whose only friends have gone missing to the houseplant whose friends are being slowly killed by irresponsible plant owners (like you), All My Friends Are Dead presents a delightful primer for laughing at the inevitable.
Download and read online K is for Knifeball in PDF and EPUB From the authors of the breakout bestseller All my friends are dead. and in the humorous vein of Go the F**k to Sleep comes a laugh-out-loud collection of bad advice that turns the children's alphabet book on its head. Adorable illustrated characters lead readers down a path of poor decision-making, and alphabetical, rhyming couplets offer terrible life lessons in which O is for opening things with your teeth, F is for setting Daddy's wallet on fire, and R is for Raccoon (but definitely not for rabies). With plenty of playfully disastrous choices lurking around every corner, this compendium of black humor may be terrible for actual children, but it's perfect for the common-senseless child in all adults.
Download and read online All My Friends Are Still Dead in PDF and EPUB From the authors of the breakout best seller All my friends are dead comes a brand-new illustrated compendium of the humorous existential ruminations of people, animals, legendary monsters, and inanimate objects.
Download and read online 50 Ways to Eat Cock in PDF and EPUB “Adrienne Hew has added to the culinary repertoire with this fun and imaginative cookbook on a forgotten traditional food.” -Review from Sally Fallon Morell, President, The Weston A. Price Foundation and author of Nourishing Traditions"How much cock can one eat in a lifetime? Let Adrienne Hew count the Ways! A humorous approach to a subject that we tend to ignore: nutrition! Learn to eat cock and LOVE it! Our listeners ate it up!" -Review from Mark Colavecchio, The Bob and Mark ShowCurious about cock? You're not the only one. Once revered for his virility and strength, the rooster has taken a back seat to the hen in more recent years. With healthy chicken recipes like Risotto Cock Balls and Cock-o's, 50 Ways to Eat Cock is a fun and inventive chicken cookbook that takes a revealing look at the folklore, history, culinary culture and nutritional benefits of this well-endowed ingredient. With tongue-in-cheek descriptions, these playful cock recipes are bulging with everything from the quintessential to the quick-and-easy to the downright quirky. You'll learn how to tame this tough bird meat into succulent and finger-licking gourmet meals. Thanks to the ingenuity of author and Certified Nutritionist, Adrienne Hew, the noble cock retakes his rightful place at the head of the table. Grab the "hard copy" as the perfect bridal shower gift!* If you want, you can also make any of these recipes with chicken, but they wouldn't be as fun.
Download and read online Rude Hand Gestures of the World in PDF and EPUB A hand gesture is arguably the most effective form of expression, whether you re defaming a friend's mother or telling a perfect stranger to get lost. Learn how to go beyond just flipping the bird with this illustrated guide to rude hand gestures all around the world, from asking for sex in the Middle East to calling someone crazy in Italy. Detailed photographs of hand models and subtle tips for proper usage make Rude Hand Gestures of the World the perfect companion for globe-trotters looking to offend.
Download and read online How Not to Be a Dick in PDF and EPUB Offers practical advice for avoiding antisocial or unpleasant behavior in several common settings by communicating effectively, being considerate, respecting others, avoiding overgeneralization, taking responsibility, and helping others.
Download and read online The Complete Manual of Things that Might Kill You in PDF and EPUB Hypochondriacs have long had to satisfy their needs for self-diagnosis with medical reference materials written for the masses, but this revolutionary book is dedicated entirely to the hypochondriac's unique perspective on health. The world's worst maladies, conveniently organized by symptom (real or imagined), will ignite even the mildest hypochondriac's fantasy life. We're all going to die of something—why not choose an ailment that's rare and hard to pronounce?