Download and read online Confessions of a Domestic Failure in PDF and EPUB Instant Bestseller From the creator of The Honest Toddler comes a fiction debut sure to be a must-read for moms everywhere There are good moms and bad moms—and then there are hot-mess moms. Introducing Ashley Keller, career girl turned stay-at-home mom who's trying to navigate the world of Pinterest-perfect, Facebook-fantastic and Instagram-impressive mommies but failing miserably. When Ashley gets the opportunity to participate in the Motherhood Better boot camp run by the mommy-blog-empire maven she idolizes, she jumps at the chance to become the perfect mom she's always wanted to be. But will she fly high or flop? With her razor-sharp wit and knack for finding the funny in everything, Bunmi Laditan creates a character as flawed and lovable as Bridget Jones or Becky Bloomwood while hilariously lambasting the societal pressures placed upon every new mother. At its heart, Ashley's story reminds moms that there's no way to be perfect, but many ways to be great.
Download and read online Confessions Of A Domestic Failure in PDF and EPUB
Download and read online Confessions Of A Domestic Failure in PDF and EPUB From the creator of The Honest Toddler comes a fiction debut sure to be a must-read for mums everywhere There are good mums and bad mums — and then there are hot-mess mums. Introducing Ashley Keller, career girl turned stay-at-home mum who’s trying to navigate the world of Pinterest-perfect, Facebook-fantastic and Instagram-impressive mommies but failing miserably. When Ashley gets the opportunity to participate in the Motherhood Better boot camp run by the mummy-blog-empire maven she idolises, she jumps at the chance to become the perfect mum she’s always wanted to be. But will she fly high or flop? With her razor-sharp wit and knack for finding the funny in everything, Bunmi Laditan creates a character as flawed and lovable as Bridget Jones or Becky Bloomwood while hilariously lambasting the societal pressures placed upon every new mother. At its heart, Ashley’s story reminds mums that there's no way to be perfect, but many ways to be great.
Download and read online Toddlers Are A holes in PDF and EPUB Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it's a "you better laugh so you don't cry" period. Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that "It's Not Your Fault." Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside." Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants ("One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone."), Things You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler ("I can tell you're pooping because your eyes are watering."), and how to order pizza ("Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google 'can anger give you a heart attack?' Start the bedtime routine."). Laditan's wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.
Download and read online Sh tty Mum in PDF and EPUB Children. They want everything and they want it now. They don't care about killing your sex life or the way they add six inches to the length of your breasts, and they sure as hell don't give a sh*t that you only slept four hours last night. Any person, physical need or dream that takes you away from them for even five seconds is their natural enemy and must be crushed with loud, endless cries. This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. It's about shortcuts and parenting with 40% effort. You'll learn how to ignore, avoid, threaten and lie in easy-to-skim-while-locked-in-the-bathroom mini-chapters, plus valuable 'How to Fake it' tips to help you through those days when there isn't enough sh*tty advice in the world. We get you. We get your little dictators. And we can help.
Download and read online Confessions of a Scary Mommy in PDF and EPUB Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.
Download and read online W h ine in PDF and EPUB This isn't your ordinary wine pairing book--this is wine pairing for the weary parent! Did your daughter just get out of bed for the twelfth time to ask for a glass of water? We've got the perfect ros� for your sanity. Did your son just have a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store? We've got a Pinot for your pain. Has your child's math homework left you in a state of total depression? Try a Syrah to get you out of that funk. W(h)ine includes fifty perfect pairings to match your child's perfectly rotten behavior! You'll also discover the best ways to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew (hint: use a shoe). As a bonus, each wine featured in the book comes with a sticker, so every time you sample a wine to match a rotten behavior, go ahead and add it to the Periodic Table of W(h)ine that folds out of the book. The sticker groupings will help you determine if your child has behavior problems, attitude problems, or just plain bad DNA! So whether you like your "juice" from the glass, the bottle, or the box, this is the perfect book to wine your way through the joys of day-to-day parenting.
Download and read online The Honest Toddler in PDF and EPUB As seen on Good Morning America, the irreverent, bracingly honest, and “awfully funny” (The Boston Globe) satirical parenting guide from the Internet’s most infamous tot, whose unchecked sense of entitlement and undeniable charm have captivated hundreds of thousands of fans. Are you the confused parent of a toddler? Are you constantly disappointing the 2T in your life? Are you tired, stressed out, and looking for relief? I can’t help you with that last one, but if you want to become an A+ servant to your small child, this book is for you. Who better to teach you about toddlers than another toddler? In this book you’ll learn: • How time-outs make you look like a fool • Why potty training is not only unnecessary but unrealistic for children under eighteen • Why toddler beds are OUT and letting your child sleep on the diagonal in your bed is IN • The best way to apologize to your toddler for all of those Pinterest casseroles • That when you love someone, you accept them as they are, pants or no pants The hard-hitting knowledge in The Honest Toddler will save you thousands of dollars in unnecessary whole grains and toothbrushes. Happy reading. You’re doing the right thing. For once.
Download and read online This Is Why We Can t Have Nice Things Parenting Marriage Madness in PDF and EPUB "Clint is one of my favorite dad voices today ... He's the perfect combination of LOL funny, completely relatable and down to earth. There's nobody else quite like him!" - Jill Smokler, Scary Mommy "Clint Edwards brings real humor to the unsavory parts of childcare..." - Eli Epstein, Mashable "I always know, when I'm about to read a piece by Clint, that I'll end up nodding my head in agreement..." - Amy Joyce, The Washington Post "Clint Edwards writes about fatherhood in a way that is refreshingly self-deprecating and brilliantly honest. With views on parenting that are often off-beat and unconventional, Clint's work emanates a genuine warmth, enthusiasm and most of all, an unshakeable dedication to being the best father he can be." - Grace Koelma, Kidspot "Clint Edwards is dynamic. As a modern dad, his perspective is refreshing and his knack for stating the obvious and otherwise-not-mentioned is what allows him to connect with his readers." -Lara Bestbier, All4Baby.co.za
Download and read online The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting in PDF and EPUB Ilana Wiles is not a good mother. She’s not a bad mother either. Like most of us, she’s normal. From the creator of the wildly popular blog Mommy Shorts comes Ilana Wiles’s first humor book on remarkably average parenting. If you want solid advice about raising kids, this book is not for you. If you want to wallow in your own misery about how having kids is AWFUL, this book is not for you. This book pays homage to the every-parent and suggests that they are the people having the best child-rearing experience of all. Using Wiles’s signature infographics and photographs to illustrate her personal and hilarious essays on motherhood, the book is an honest guide that celebrates the fun of being a mom.
Download and read online The Art of Southern Charm in PDF and EPUB Patricia Altschul, the surprise breakout star of Bravo’s hit reality show Southern Charm, introduces an essential lifestyle guide as refreshing and fun as a gin martini. “Patricia on #SouthernCharm, like lookin’ in the damn mirror. Cheers queen.” —Lady Gaga Fan-favorite Bravolebrity Patricia Altschul from the primetime show Southern Charm finally brings fans her eagerly anticipated opus on etiquette and living a glamorous Southern lifestyle. Patricia provides advice on every situation, from hosting a memorable cocktail party, to decoding the dress code for any event, to handling a drunken boor at the dinner table, to delivering the perfectly phrased insult—like her now iconic “shameless strumpet.” The Art of Southern Charm takes readers inside the world of Charleston’s most captivating grande dame, who (with Michael the Butler) offers a blueblood’s blueprint for curating and celebrating life at its best.
Download and read online The Honest Toddler in PDF and EPUB When you love someone, accept them as they are--pants or no pants. The toddler stage can be a rude awakening for parents. Seemingly overnight, their sweet infants morph into tyrants whose iron will is matched only by their adorability. One minute they're saying "I love you"; the next minute, delivering an unexpected slap to your face. Parents aren't blameless though--toddlers have their own grievances. They just don't express them "with their words," whatever that means. But finally, after minutes of horror, they have The Honest Toddler to speak on their behalf. Who better to instruct parents on the needs of toddlers than an actual toddler who can authoritatively spell out preferred foods (fishy crackers, stat), sleep training methods (hint: none), and the proper response to bananas with strings (complete collapse). With a voice that is at once inimitable and universal, The Honest Toddler has built a loyal following of parents laughing through their tears as they recognize their own child in the shenanigans of one bravely honest tot.
Download and read online The Big Bed in PDF and EPUB
Download and read online Confessions of a Once Fashionable Mum in PDF and EPUB Successful hubbie? Tick. Facebook-worthy baby? Tick. Bikini-body six weeks after giving birth? Um … not so much. Fashion PR exec Ally Bloom got her happy ending. Okay, her marriage might be showing the odd crack, her battleaxe mother-in-law might have come to stay, and she might not be the yummy mummy she'd imagined, but it's nothing a decent night's sleep and a firm commitment to a no-carb diet won't fix. But when Ally returns to work and finds she'll be reporting to a 22-year-old airhead, she decides to turn her back on life as a professional fashionista and embrace her inner earth mama instead. So it's out with the Louboutins and champagne and in with the sensible flats and coffee mornings with the Mummy Mafia. From attending her first grown-up dinner party only to discover that placenta is top of the menu to controlling her monster crush on local playgroup hottie Cameron, Ally must find her feet in the brave new world of the stay-at-home mum.
Download and read online Hyperbole and a Half in PDF and EPUB FROM THE PUBLISHER: Every time Allie Brosh posts something new on her hugely popular blog Hyperbole and a Half the internet rejoices. Touching, absurd, and darkly comic, Allie Brosh’s highly anticipated book Hyperbole and a Half showcases her unique voice, leaping wit, and her ability to capture complex emotions with deceptively simple illustrations. This full-color, beautifully illustrated edition features more than fifty percent new content, with ten never-before-seen essays and one wholly revised and expanded piece as well as classics from the website like, “The God of Cake,” “Dogs Don’t Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving,” and her astonishing, “Adventures in Depression,” and “Depression Part Two,” which have been hailed as some of the most insightful meditations on the disease ever written. Brosh’s debut marks the launch of a major new American humorist who will surely make even the biggest scrooge or snob laugh. We dare you not to. FROM THE AUTHOR: This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative—like maybe someone who isn’t me wrote it—but I soon discovered that I’m not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book: Pictures Words Stories about things that happened to me Stories about things that happened to other people because of me Eight billion dollars* Stories about dogs The secret to eternal happiness* *These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!